For a moment there


It looked like it might all could be
About you
I held up ashes, a crown, a withered spoon
And with the sharpest hammer
Attempted to build a ship.

As captain,
It was my job
To fulfill myself within the seas
To not let labor fool me.

I handed you chance after chance
Gilding myself in what I think you might like best
Pulling out every trick
We loved so well in moments
I hung onto them with the tip of my tongue
And now work through a weary shame.

The poison you offered me
Was not for me to drink
But I pursued it all in all
Because I think I like to suffer.

I'm able to recognize the darkness within me
And as I built the ship
Out of so little tools
Water hitting and splashing me
Among the rampage
I whistled my way all through it
Hoping the sound of my own purrs
Drowned out the stinging
Drowned out the whimpering blame
I'd catch
And ultimately tumble into.

A saddened rage fills my bones
When I think about how similar
You were to my past
And I just hope that now that I've made a ship
Out of next to nothing
Time and time again
I'll stop harboring the emptiness
Of unfulfilled labor
And a lack of grace.

My basket of treasures I offered so many to you
A dinosaur around my neck
You were so good in moments
We were so good in moments
And now that I'm back with time to ****
The absence of you runs still.

I imagine that you think on me too
Drowning out the sound
Of moans, my naked thighs, and the way my life would curl
All around you like there was nothing more
Nothing less.

I gave up on
Just like you asked me to do
And I don't doubt that if I wanted to return to the well
To drink up more of the poisonous water
I so could.

I guess there is a refuge in that thought
But in the night
When we once would spend our time
I'd try to forget what you weren't giving me
Spreading myself so thin I couldn't notice

But it's you who has to know that the love you were given
It's you that has to live with your failures
It's you that has to look in the mirror and see truth
As I sat across from you
Your hands on my legs
Kissing you for the last time
You were so upset I looked so upset
But I rode away for the last time

And it just will never be about you
Ever again.