Mar 2019
i tried to hold it in
but tears just started falling out of my eyes
i swear i was fine
then i thought about one thing
and then another and another
till they began to smother
i just couldn't breathe
i was feeling true terror and it showed
but you'll never know
how it feels
when all you want to be is okay
but all you feel is pain
i feel so ugly
making a mountain out of a mole hill
against my own will
but tears just started falling out of my eyes
i swear i was fine
then i thought about one thing
and then another and another
till they began to smother
i just couldn't breathe
i was feeling true terror and it showed
but you'll never know
how it feels
when all you want to be is okay
but all you feel is pain
i feel so ugly
making a mountain out of a mole hill
against my own will
if my head is down completely in class, nine times out of ten i am having a panic attack. people don't really know that though. it kind of makes a sensory deprivation tank where i don't have to ee and the sounds of the room are muffled. most just think i am sleeping. i don't know why it happens but when it does it feels like the sound of styrofoam rubbing, if that makes sense. or nails on a chalkboard. like utter terror and no one around me understands how this feels so the keep telling me they hope i get but but its not like a sickness that goes away or something i can control. why don't people get that?
