Dear Friend whom I love,

Yes I said love,
but don't worry
I am not talking about dates
or chocolate hearts or kisses

I'm just talking about being a person you trust,
who actually listens
and who you actually listen to
the one relentlessly praying,
who nudges
and even slaps you around sometimes,
that points you in the right direction
and in doing so,
I'm reminded of the right direction as well

So listen to me now:

stop

stop
lying to,
cheating,
short changing,
manipulating,
exhausting,
angering,
upsetting,
breaking .....

yourself

I know those are strange things to hear, because
you are "just fine" ...
But you gotta know:
you deserve more than what you accept
believe me, I've done the same thing for the past three years
not exactly the way you have, but it doesn't matter
I know you think I'm naive but
the root of the problem is the same
we are accepting the love we think we deserve

and i know that is a movie line
but for a long time
I believed it wasn't scripted for me to have love
so I accepted none, gave none
and I know you felt that as well,
then we both started consuming what we could find at the bottom of the barrel
because trying to open up to the right thing
seems like it would hurt so much more

but you don't have to sit at the bottom
you can have better

and better is being okay with who you are;
not seeking comfort or validation
from any part of this world
(I hope You know what I mean)
and I realize that abandonment requires giving up things,
but sometimes thats what we need
I am still trying to give up some of my closet secrets
But it is SOOO worth it!
and it is possible, if you want it
and I know you feel you want what you have now
But I know that you want more!

If nothing else, stop for my sake.
Yes, I'll be selfish. I don't care.
I haven't even known you for a year but…
Watching your heart break
through the window where I have to watch your life
as you hold onto brokenness
is breaking me ...

              (Maybe cause it reminds me of myself)

I wish I could say it doesn't nearly bring me to tears,
but I am not that calloused.
Life has served me a hard play, like you
but His Love restored my softness;
has kept me sane.
Kept me from taking my life when I felt useless and worthless
because He told me I was worth something,
even in a dark psychiatric ward.
And I am still learning how in Him I am worth something
He reminds me when people, like you,
reach out to me…

I know you hear it every Sunday,
but the love you want is not that far.
It is not a secret, or shallow touch,
it is not security, attention, momentary bliss of distractions…
its nothing but sacrifice of The Loving Friend.
Recognize you are loved by the One who knows you and understands,
Far better than a girl with years of experience in psychological analyzing
and running on broken parts

I love you friend, and I would love for you to hear me.