It does seem planned
Doesn’t it?
Like the acts of a play
or The rules of a game
A predetermined course
I had no say in,
But must suffer through

No matter which way I turn the tables
It’s fixed

Ignorance is bliss
until the facade falls apart
You can sing mantras and prayers
Meditate in the moonlight
Give gratitude in every act you make
but it will not quiet
the core of your pain
It is not medicine
for the poison in your own veins
Everyone dies by their own hand
No matter how it happens,
it is always your own destructible being that betrays you

So we all try to sedate
The happiest of us, naturally high
Meds,
quiet the mind
bring peace to the war
But nothing is really fixed,
Is it?
You just pressed the pause button
on your own life
And we all know you can’t play games with time
Without consequences

Time
It’s passage, a comfort
a torment
The more it passes
the thicker my skin
but after years and years
Somehow the only thing I’ve done,
is build walls
What about dreams?
What about the life you’d imagined for yourself at five years old?
But now we say,
I’m not afraid of dying,
I’m afraid of what it would say about me