This secret Makes me cringe Without pain Being inflicted on me The pain comes from within A secret I'll try to keep With me until I'm one with The earth I can't sleep sometimes I overeat sometimes This secret I can barely Keep at times They say that it's hard To be free And I feel like it's Just hard to be me The real me Not who you see Or what I wish I could and Pretend to be I look in the mirror sometimes And if some one held me At gunpoint I'd be dead because I couldn't tell you who I was Or who I am This secret has me doubting Everything My love, my God, & my dreams Even had me angry about my sexuality But why'd it have to happen To me From the time That the hand with cruel intentions Was laid upon me The power that I had left The confidence that I had left The joy that I had left The person that I was Intended to be had left So what else do I have left? A dream, a vague image A memory of who I was And who I could be today Yeah they called me names Called me strange Called me a freak Among other names From then on I knew I had to change Nothing about ME Could stay the same Yet through my transformation And all of the frustration I still couldn't escape the pain Liquor only does a temporary job **** don't do a thing I live the life of a poor man When I should be a king But then again I let you take away everything Today I come back To reclaim what is rightfully mine All of the time I have wasted And returning all of that poisonous Hate that I have tasted It's not going to be easy It won't be done in the morning But slowly Over time I will give myself the greatest gift That is greater than any present Under a Christmas tree I will give myself the gift Of me