choke this love out of me.
kiss
away
the
pain.
let me cheat away my effort
so that I can shake off this rushed mistake.
give me the confidence to know I'm not alone,
even when I'm in the depths, crying until I find myself at home.

although home is a place with paper thin walls, those walls are
a manifestation of fear
because any person on the other side can
hear
how I feel, what I feel,
if I give myself pleasure,
or give into the pain I manifested.

it's simple and dramatic,
complicated and calm.

It's what I've been saying, struggling to explain, all along.

I've told my secrets, given myself away,
taught my soul that it's okay to hurt,
and make mistakes.

I've made myself think I need to be a certain way,
that this is good and this is bad and there's a balance in between.
My eyes have sharpened and my tongue has tied, I've found all I've known
before is a lie and a lesson, the truth and a test.
I've gotten to the point of patience where I don't realize how much time has gone by.

what day is it?