I find myself forgetting
That bad things don’t stop happening
Just because I close my eyes
That not seeing the carnage
Doesn’t erase the blood on my hands
That wishing for peace
Is in no way a guarantee
That even hoping for light
Can push me further into darkness
For years I’ve simply
Turned away
Not willing to see
The pain I keep stuffing inside
Overfilled, but
Unwilling to focus
On the tragedy in my history
I keep thinking
“If I don’t look, it will go away”
But then always find myself
Peeking over my shoulder.
Maybes and ifs are luxuries
My poor soul cannot afford
And so I find myself in debt
In my every waking moment.