The flashbacks, the ideas
fluttering in my head
Something's pulling out all of my insides
But I am silent instead

They whisper ideas that I can't grasp well
Will I get out of this hell?
Which way?

Because it feels like I love you
but I can't. Every move I do
carries me further down.

I've been here before, no clarity now to show
I remember when I was starting to grow
Arrived some years late
to the parade

Life is ugly and unclear - sometimes
And everything surrounding might be a lie
I can't talk, my mind is held hostage right now
Everything so horrible - yet I can't shout
I can't be, I can't touch
The nourishing battle - away from me now
The life within - is gone

The demons became the canvas
I fight but I no longer slay them,
They creep inside my body
They got me in a kind of a knot again

I love you, I love you, but it hurts
Nothing hurts more than being myself does

I AM NOT OKAY