i have a bit of a problem
with saying no to people
it's so hard for me
and most of the time
i just can't bring myself to do it

and so i let people use me
i let them walk all over me
i let them do whatever they want
because i don't really deserve
to say no

i'm not a good person
i've done bad things
i've hurt people
and so this is my repentance
i'll give anyone anything they want

even if it hurts me
even if it tears me to pieces
who cares?
as long as everyone else is happy
i'll let them use me

when i was younger
i read the story of the giving tree
and i wondered how it was possible
for the tree to give everything away
so easily, without question, even though it killed her

as i grew older
i began to understand
i don't want to be selfish
i want for others to be able to thrive
even if it means my own destruction

i don't really think anyone realizes
that i don't particularly want to do
much of what they offer
i'd like to think it's because i'm such a good actress
(although i know it's just because they don't really care)

and so i go along my life
trying to figure out
how to say no
how to hold my own
how to exist for myself and not for others

i've yet to figure it out
and i confess
some days i don't want to
because it's just so much easier
to keep on the way i am

despite this
i continue on my search
for the power to say no
for the power to be liberated
for the power to be me

because i'm realizing
i don't want to end up like the giving tree
sometimes
i want to do things for me
and me only