Well, I rode into town with a stiff wooden knee
on my ship that was falling apart on the sea
an eye patch of black and beard to my knees
I laid down and stared up at the green palm trees

my crew was all mad and the food was all gone
but what can I say? I'm no Captain Ron
they chased me on deck until we ran aground
then I lied and said there was treasure to be found

I'm selfish and soiled, a pirate I be
I'm smarter and hotter than old Mr. Smee
now my crew's all drunk and they're eating some fish
staring up at the stars I am making a wish

I scratch at my eye patch and pull out my pen
trying to ignore the farting stinking men
they don't know I'm a girl and for me that works great
because if they knew then I would fear my fate

but I have a plan and they'll all fall in line
or they will be stranded 'cause that ship is mine
I'm meaner than them and I'm great with a sword
it's why they all hang on my every word

when tomorrow starts up a hangover morning
I will get their attention and give them a warning
If they chase me around the deck ever again
they will lose their reason to call themselves men!

But I realize I'm angry and that's just not fair
'cause when push comes to shove, well they all do their share
when there's towns to be pillaged and ships to attack
well these dog ***** scoundrels they all have my back

the creak of the ship and the waves on the sand
I really don't like it when I'm stuck on land
I'm Captain Fearless, and now that we've met
I know it is something you'll never forget.