packed house
so many faces
your's didn’t stand out
but your hands did
as they found their way into my pants

please don’t look at me like that
I know what you’re thinking
I am quite aware of my appeal
because I’m not pretty but I’m pretty enough
and I’m not skinny but I’m skinny enough
and I’m not innocent
but I’m vulnerable
enough

you said you saw it in my eyes
that I’m really good at fake smiles
and ringing laughter
however this green glass screamed sadness
sadness which you ignored
as you helped me up when I fell over (drunk)

you left and I threw up in my trashcan
which is okay because
the boys that ask to stay scare me more
than the ones who don’t

did I mention
this is my least favorite time of the night?
and no one really knows
that everything festers at 3:37am
it’s not the alcohol that makes my head spin
(I can do that on my own)

while I’ve never been lost in the light
I have drowned in the darkness
so I try to sob softly enough
that the thin walls won’t give me away

my friend told me to deep breathe
in situations like this
but my breath only reminds me of yours
hot and sticky on my naked neck

so I shove the melatonin down my throat
because my Xanax prescription hasn’t arrived yet
and I congratulate myself on not doing coke tonight
one small step at a time right?