If you ever wondered
what happens in my mind
Where I drift
When my eyes glaze over
When I no longer reside
In this barren plain of existence
It’s a bit scary
Even for me
I strangle cats
Detach limbs from dogs
Mutilate humanity
Roast souls on open flames
Consume my own darkness
In the hope I’ll be able to brave it
The uncertainty of living
Finishing what I started
Giving up when it was necessary
Knowing when to stop lying to myself
I know I’m not happy
Yet I fake it till maybe it’ll go my way
I’m starting to resent it all
With myself at the top of that list
How can you love
When your entire existence
Was fueled by hate
How do you find happiness
When happiness is undefined
I know what happy moments are
But it’s only a temporary fix
With unpleasant side effects
Chasing and chasing
Playing cat and mouse
With silhouettes and laser pointers
There’s a target
But no chance in hell of obtaining
And even when I want to say it
I can’t
I’ll be interrogated
Asked what’s so unhappy about my life
Who do I hate
Why do I hate
It’s as simple as
My own emotional standing
Disregarded
Hate myself
For never measuring up
To invisible standards
Always being told No
Just accepting it
Because it’s all I’ve known
But what does one life mean
Even if my biggest accomplishment
Can’t even understand
Her father is dying before her
I hate myself mostly for that
Bringing her into a home
I don’t even consider a home
Nothing I built with my own hands
Slipping deeper into a depression
I don’t even want to admit to
I just play Happy
With a Resting ******* face
If my expression never changes
You can’t tell how I’m feeling
Even when I crack a smile
In the hopes you’ll keep walking
Stop talking to me
Sure your problems may be bigger
And this might sound
Like a useless person complaining
Pathetic in his own right
I wouldn’t even object
But what’s so wrong with wanting
Aiming to do something amazing
Even if you consider it stupid
Never given the opportunity
Just for once I’d love to hear
That sounds awesome so do it
It’s a small feat
For someone with smaller ambitions
As long as I can remember
I never wanted to live
But I’m not ready to die
I just accept that it’s coming
Ready for when it does
Won’t resist
Already wrote up a physical DNR
So here’s my emotional one
Call the time of death
Notify those that need organs
Leave the heart
It’s too broken to use
Donate what’s left
Maybe my final act
Will be what defines me
And bring happiness to someone else
Then I snap back to reality
Ask for you to repeat what you said
Because the amount of ******
In my head
Drowns out the sound of your voice