And I keep wondering
Will there ever be a day I am satisfied?

I look around and know some people do like me

I look around and I know some people don’t matter

I look around and all I feel is rejection

I look around and all I want is to be alone and to be laughing with everyone all at once

I look around and maybe I am too judgemental

I look around and think how basic and fake and materialistic these people are

Yet who is the one alone?

The lack of friendships is getting stale but the predicament is that everyone annoys me

So maybe the issue is not with anyone but myself

But what about quality over quantity?

What about finding a true friend?

Even back home my roomate has her own group and does not include me. My other friend has her own group who smokes *** and I cannot. My other friend has her own group and they are graduating and leaving. I have my boyfriend. Maybe that is why I have no group.

Have I ever had a group?

I had a best friend.
I had a small group but somehow always felt slightly outside.
No one is perfect and I lost my best friend.
My group I was never a solid part in is spread across the state.
My future is one where I will move frequently.
How will I survive if I once thought I was a social butterfly and am now a socially awkward loner that desires to be included? That desires to go to clubs and dance but also desires to have alone time? That desires to read for hours but also desires to explore the city endlessly? That is shy of people I will see everyday but can spark up a conversation with any stranger I see?
And all I wonder is what is wrong with me?