everyone asked if i was okay
for once i actually kind of was
but i was crying a river
and it was all because
after all of this waiting
and asking for help without asking
somebody saw all the pain
i've been masking
it wasn't my friend
or someone i really know
it was my bus driver
with a single rose
______________
i woke up this morning
and the first thing that crossed my mind
was how much i truly
hate my life
i freaked out
because that's never happened before
if that is how i really feel
i was wondering why try anymore
i trudged to the bus stop
and told my brother to just go
today was not gonna be good
so i needed to be alone
tests and homework
failing classes
nobody cares
don't wanna see so i took off my glasses
i wait a little
and the bus pulls up
i tell her good morning
then head to the back of the bus
i cry as i listen to sad songs
and realize i should really just die
but i clean myself up
as my school comes into sight
trying to fight the urge
to walk away
i'm too tired
for that kind of **** today
but i get up
and walk down the aisle
picking up my backpack
and putting on a smile
but when i get to the door
she tells me to sit
what did i do now
can't help but wonder what it is
as people file out
i get ready for the fire
my depression eating popcorn
as my anxiety makes me fear this driver
praying please don't yell
please do not yell
i can barely handle
the destructive cacophony inside myself
reaches behind her seat for god knows what
but she pulls out a rose
and says she loves me
and she says that even though she doesn't know
that two minutes ago
i told myself this was the day i die
after i decided i couldn't anymore
the universe was giving me a sign
but let me clarify i guess
she wasn't being creepy
she was just trying to give me some of the attention
i've been endlessly seeking
i'd left my pity rose from valentine's
on the bus on the day before
she saw it but someone stole it
before
she could get it back
so she went and got me a new one
and brought it and gave it to me and also gave me a
free no-requirement kind of simple love
and i cried
boy did i cry
but she smiled at me
as i wiped my eyes
as i stepped of the bus
she shouted with joy
have a good day baby
have a great day like there is no other choice
i walked in
and my "friends" just gathered
trying to comfort me like something was wrong
how did they not realize
that it hadn't been for so long
i told them i was fine
and that was that
didn't want them to ruin the
beautiful moment i just had
but one thing i found strange
is the way i react
kindness is foreign
so it makes me sad
so used to being hurt
i can pretend to not feel a thing
but i can be broke down
by a good deed