A half-century
To finally get comfortable
In semi-flabby, semi-
Muscular body.
100/2.
50 years. Old?
Young? Is there
Middle ground here?
Yo-old?
Ung?
Am I halfway to
The end of the curve?
(Better we don’t know
THAT day)

At my very strongest,
(29 years ago)
When I lived and drank
The weight room,
I was character-wise
All-time low.
Wreched louse, and
I’m insulting lice.
375lbs. nearly
2x/body weight.
As I broke a sweat
I also broke my
Parents’ hearts.
That’s irony at its
Most painful.

At Mom’s deathbed,
Six years ago,
(43, if you’re counting)
Regrets like flaming
Arrows impacting my
Heart mind soul body,
When I drove 300 miles
And waited 3 hours for
Her to get out of dialysis,
And I’m at the hospital
With 2 of my 6 sisters,
And she sees me and her
Face lit the room
Brighter than fluorescents
And I was weak
And she was strong
She was Mom
And I was child
And when we got home
I let her hold me
As I cried and cried
Like the baby I was
44 years before.
And she held me,
And brought that special
Kind of peace Mothers,
Only Mothers can impart
Upon their children.

I look at my Mom’s
High-School Graduation
Picture behind me
On the bookshelf.
I look at that picture
And tell Mom
“I love you, Mom,”
And in my dreams,
She whispers the
Words back to me.

No human being
Was, is, or ever will be
Perfect.
We are walking contra-
Dictionaries.
We shout when
We should whisper.
We paint orange when
We should draw blue.
We see death
In life,
And live according to
Two hands on a numbered
Face.
We chain ourselves to
Abusive chemicals
And complain about
Our dwindling freedoms.

We ignore the ones
We say we love
And spend rivers of
Time in a virtual
Abstract world of
New symbols that
Signify nothing
Except time misspent.

If you’re reading this,
And Mom still draws breath,
Is not just an image from
On high looking forever
At whatever pictures
Look at,
Don’t wait until the last
Moments to tell her
I’m sorry, Mom.
I love you, Mother.
Mama, sing me
That song you used to
Hum me to sleep
When I was a baby.
Thank you, Mom.
Thank you for struggling,
Sacrificing, and not
Prematurely ending my life.
Thank you for diapers
Changed,
For rashes
Soothed;
For tears flowing from
Chubby cheeks onto your
Collar, where you would
Sniff and smell them
(While I slept as soundly
As sound itself)
And cry your own tears,
Mixing them together,
Forming the salty
Lachrymal glue that
Kept you going and
Going when you only
Wanted to lie down
And rest.

Thank you, Mom.
I miss you so much.