what would you do if you had one last chance?

& if there is only one thing i want. it is to hear his voice on repeat in my mind. not telling me that he does not love me. but having him tell me that he does. like he used to everyday in the past. but if there is only one thing we both want. that is for me to forget him. & i wish that for me. but for my future self. & i have not come into an encountering with her. she is too hung up on the future that could have been with him. & i think that is what hurts the most. not everything that we lost. but what could have been greatly together. we benefited each other. & it happened too quick. him being taken away from me. i was not expecting it. i feel like it has not happened. i lay awake each night in hopes he will ring my phone to put me to sleep like he did every night by telling me stories. to eliminate the chances of me having nightmares because he knew how much they haunted me. & i try to find a piece of him in others. sadly i have failed to find that in the man who is currently loving me more than his own life. i have taken for granted someone who sees me as the sun. his own sun in his life. yet i am still in love with someone who views me as a sunrise. a beautiful viewing only paid attention to when wished. & when it is appreciated it is beautiful. but long forgotten as time goes by. & at this point all i can do is laugh because of the failure i have continuously put in my life. waiting for someone to realize my worth & come back. after times of being told no by not only him. but everyone. & yet i am the only one holding onto the breaking rope. because i foolishly believe that he was the best of my life & i have already lost the one thing that made me a little more of me.