Jan 2019
I was created by Him
and in turn will become a vessel for His creation
Half of you was born the same time I was
Grew up with me
Lived a whole life with me
Held on long enough
To the insides of my womaness
to one day look at me
And I love you for it
I have loved you before it
You will never need to earn this love
It is always here
never will you have to climb a mountain
or reduce your hurt
or love of life
It’s here for your taking
Your needing
Your feeding
Here for you even to throw away
The love I preserve for you
Does not live in my heart
Or in my being
Cause if it did
It will die the same time as I will
I will love you even after the fact
No matter the suns position
This love follows you closer than your shadow could ever hope to
Closer than the love you have for yourself
Almost as close as the one your Lord keeps for you
It exists always
On days that I do not like you
I love you
When you hurt me
I can’t help it than to
Remember I’d rather be hurt by you
than
If you weren’t able to hurt me at all
I have seen My Mother fall
Past sadness itself
And find residence
atop the brittle canopy of grief
Surrounded by an abandoned museum
Of bottles, blankets, bedding and expired milk
Finding her on some nights
Curled up in a ball of herself
After prayer
Giving thanks to Allah for the chance at another
And the health of her others
And then losing her again at Fajr
When the heaviness of her *******
Remind her
Return her inside another agonizing re-run
An itinerary of loss
Beginning, middle and end all blurred
Like someone slowly dragged their *****, unkind hand across a wet painting
Whose colors had not yet held firm
Whose picture had not yet formed
Who itself was not ready to be displayed
I bet she thought of all the care
she could not give
and wishes so fiercely that she had
And the surplus of love
That now goes unneeded
Feeds no one
Like an ocean of salt water
Near a people dying of thirst
This scares me the most
You are my protection from this sadness
And I love you for it
I have loved you before it
You too are a vessel that carries,
A horcrux
For all the love I hold for myself
I give to you
Even after you are no longer a clean slate
Even after you have sinned a thousand times over
Both villain and hero
You are my unborn best friend
Best decision yet to be made
Best part of me that I cannot wait to one day
Share this poem with
and in turn will become a vessel for His creation
Half of you was born the same time I was
Grew up with me
Lived a whole life with me
Held on long enough
To the insides of my womaness
to one day look at me
And I love you for it
I have loved you before it
You will never need to earn this love
It is always here
never will you have to climb a mountain
or reduce your hurt
or love of life
It’s here for your taking
Your needing
Your feeding
Here for you even to throw away
The love I preserve for you
Does not live in my heart
Or in my being
Cause if it did
It will die the same time as I will
I will love you even after the fact
No matter the suns position
This love follows you closer than your shadow could ever hope to
Closer than the love you have for yourself
Almost as close as the one your Lord keeps for you
It exists always
On days that I do not like you
I love you
When you hurt me
I can’t help it than to
Remember I’d rather be hurt by you
than
If you weren’t able to hurt me at all
I have seen My Mother fall
Past sadness itself
And find residence
atop the brittle canopy of grief
Surrounded by an abandoned museum
Of bottles, blankets, bedding and expired milk
Finding her on some nights
Curled up in a ball of herself
After prayer
Giving thanks to Allah for the chance at another
And the health of her others
And then losing her again at Fajr
When the heaviness of her *******
Remind her
Return her inside another agonizing re-run
An itinerary of loss
Beginning, middle and end all blurred
Like someone slowly dragged their *****, unkind hand across a wet painting
Whose colors had not yet held firm
Whose picture had not yet formed
Who itself was not ready to be displayed
I bet she thought of all the care
she could not give
and wishes so fiercely that she had
And the surplus of love
That now goes unneeded
Feeds no one
Like an ocean of salt water
Near a people dying of thirst
This scares me the most
You are my protection from this sadness
And I love you for it
I have loved you before it
You too are a vessel that carries,
A horcrux
For all the love I hold for myself
I give to you
Even after you are no longer a clean slate
Even after you have sinned a thousand times over
Both villain and hero
You are my unborn best friend
Best decision yet to be made
Best part of me that I cannot wait to one day
Share this poem with
