i want the ability
to say things that are on my mind.
not just random thoughts or small talk.
i want to say the things that i actually think about.

i want to be able to say how i'm scared
that i'm going insane and i don't even
know it, but even if i did, there is nothing i
could do to stop it.

i want to be able to say how i don't believe
that eternal love exists because no matter
what, there will be a point where you are
torn apart by the things that brought you together.

i want to say that sometimes i cry because i feel
so lost all the time and i don't feel like anyone
can understand that the way i do, because i just
feel alone all the time.

i want to say i think it's ******* that we have to
spend so much of the little time we have
doing things that we hate and the only
response to that is "that's how the world works."

i want to be able to say that my family is
falling apart and that is tearing me apart and it
drives me insane that the rest of the world can go on
exactly the same while my world falls apart.

i want to say how i feel about people.
how i really feel. no *******. just honesty
and have them say how they feel about
me so i don't have to always wonder.

i want to say that i wish i was in love.
that i wish i wasn't scared to fall in love and let
someone in and scare them away by these
thoughts that control my mind.

i want to be able to say all of this
instead of having to write all of it
down in a poem that no one will
ever know about.