I'm addicted to pain
And desperation
Long nights with burning eyes
Keeping myself awake and
Hating myself for it, aching for it
Yearning for the dull exhaustion of the morning
Hollowed-eyed, isolated, feral
Looking like I feel, for once, and
Hating myself for it, aching for it

Life has been frantic for so long
I get anxious when it's not
I feel guilty and wrong and
I'd rather burn myself out
Again and again and again
Restless with the urge to get up,
To move, to burn,
To fight my own, inherent brokenness
Again and again and again

I feel like a freak
As I dig my nails into my skin
So I won't crawl out of it
When I'm not in pain
My hands shake and I want to scream
I'm so good at faking it,
But I'm never not afraid
When I'm out of sight,
My hands shake and I want to scream