I loved you
I loved you with a passion so strong
I was convinced it would **** me if I wasn't careful
I saw a future with you
The future I saw was so beautiful
no novel, no painting
no song, no photograph
could capture in perfect detail what I saw
There was so much I wanted with you
I wanted the makeout sessions in a room full of candlelight
I wanted to wear my best lipstick
with a tight dress and not feel insecure
when you stared at me in wonder
I wanted to let you strip me naked
and make love to me with the lights on
while letting you touch my most insecure places
and it would be okay because you found me
to be beautiful no matter what
I wanted to meet your family
and see where you came from
I wanted to answer the hard questions
your family would of asked me
to determine if I was the person worthy enough
to possibly spend your future with
I wanted the cheesy compliments
the late night fast food runs
and the petty arguments when we were both too tired
I wanted to say "yes" in tears
while you placed a diamond on my finger
and I wanted to say "I do" in a room full of people
as we came together as one
I wanted to live with you in a big house
we would deck out for the holidays
and one day fill with babies who were made up
of pure love created by you and me
I wanted to gain wrinkles and gray hair with you
as we reminisced about all of the things
we accomplished together
I wanted all of that
I wanted it so badly I could taste it
but I got scared
I felt it all
I saw it all
I knew all that I wanted with you was possible
and I freaked out
I panicked
I shut down and pushed you away
knowing deep inside I was throwing away
every dream I had with you
I began making excuses of why I
wasn't good enough to be be all of the things
we both knew I would be great at
I allowed my insecurities to take over
and keep you from loving me
the way you wanted to love me
You were patient with me
You tried to be understanding
until you had enough
You let me go and you had every right to
You once told me that loving me
was your favorite thing to do
You wanted to build with me
grow with me and share your life with me
You couldn't wait to make certain dreams come true
You were so happy
until I broke you
I broke your dreams
I broke our dreams because I was scared
If I could go back in time
I wouldn't turn away everytime you tried to kiss me in public
I wouldn't stop you from running your hands on my body
as I got dressed for bed
I wouldn't make excuses not to meet your family
when I had the opportunity to
I wouldn't have switched the topic
whenever you brought up marriage and children
I wouldn't have allowed my insecurities
to convince me that every wonderful thing
you said to me was a lie
I would let you love me
and stop trying to control everything
I wouldn't allow my fear of happiness
to build up the walls that would eventually
tear us apart
If I had a second chance with you
I would take it in a heartbeat
I wouldn't run
I'd stay and love you
the way I have always wanted to love you