I feel the emotions
Awareness tells me I can write something,
But my mind won’t bring the words together
So I’m wondering how I’m supposed to
Bring the light back out from the darkness?

That makes it seem like I want to make things positive
And I don’t.
It doesn’t bode well with me
And if someone starts talking about good things
Then I’ll be the first to shut off;
If I don’t, I wonder why
People are being so happy, so optimistic about life.

Then I remember how
I’m happy really.
How I just need to remember that this isn’t all of it:
I’m just getting stuck in my head and pulling negatives together,
But that in real life I have something left in my days
Which makes me okay.
You see I’m not really miserable
All the time
It stops for a little,
So no, nothing’s wrong,
Everything’s fine and
I shouldn’t admit things I’ve never had or wanted to
Not now, because anyway
They would be the nails to this coffin
That sometimes it feels like
I already might be living in.
It’s okay though,
I’m still alive.

I guess
It’s just
Not
Good for me.
You can pretend
You don’t know that though.