Sitting in front of the vanity
Going thru the motions of getting ready
Glancing at the floor
seeing myself lying there
fetal position, wailing

Sitting watching TV
With the love of my life
Glancing at the walls
seeing myself throwing the remote
breaking whatever I can, yelling

I'm at work
Talking to my colleagues
looking at their faces
punching everyone

Going into my room
Looking at my youngest
He's sleeping peacefully
Seeing myself holding him
Trying to keep his hallucinations
His depression
His suicidal thoughts
All at bay…

This I do
I hold him
Only as a mother can
Praying to God
To heal his mind
Knowing this, this is why

Why I see myself
Lying on the bathroom floor
Breaking whatever I can
Physically assaulting my coworkers

All I can do is pray
All I can do is hope
Pray and hope for my child
For him to be better
For him to thrive