i want to say sorry
but how do i apologize
for not doing a **** thing wrong

the way i feel
makes me feel so rotten
inside me the stench is strong

you say you didn’t mean it
that i’m twisting your words
flipping the conversation on its head

i want to believe that
i’m just making this up and worrying too much
but i’ll stop worrying when i’m dead

i want you to be happy
but i’m underwhelmed with
the choices you make

supportive enough
to be called a friend
but even then you ask for space

my hands begin to shake when
i see you pushing her
against the wall

my vision is hazy
from the tears and sudden rush of anger
why do i even care at all

you said you see me as a sister
a friend
you laugh at the possibility of anything else

i watch you two
hurt each other
all by myself

you said she’s mad
what should you do?
definitely not ask me

i want to be helpful but look at my fake smile
my face is a lie
but you can’t see past it

you’re hurting me
why do you hurt me?
do you even know what you’ve done?

stuck watching the transition between
who you said you would be
and who you’ve become

i love you
and i’m sorry
i’m normally so nice and sweet

something has a hold of me
so familiar but unwanted
Jealousy