I imagine you calm,
A sentient being.
The world to which you bow to unfolding before your eyes, a kind of rapturing. Finally unwinding to reveal the truth it has always held: you are tired and the rain seems to never stop long enough to let you empty,
Endlessly. Leaving streams into which you drown.
It perches atop your shoulders, this tiredness, chirping songs not of succor, not of hope but a call to your final moments. A ministration.
To a resting place you do not know.
Please do not answer.
There's a deep deep ache somewhere in my chest, a dull throb I've learnt to associate with sadness. The kind that gives me pause, I stop and listen to it,
to your voice amidst the chatter but sometimes I'm afraid I can not hear you. I am failing you and I am sorry, I am.
A few days ago you told me you were tired, you had been saying it for a while, I guess I wasn't hearing you clearly.
I don't know what to do or say to you anymore, I can't hold you, I can't offer you words or greasy food bc you're so far away from me now //
One of my friends tried to commit suicide a couple of days ago. He sent me texts, saying I should be okay bc I'm his friend and I've been his friend so I know. I'm unsure if it was a moment of weakness or strength, I don't know how to be t/here for him. I listen to him speak of his emptiness and it breaks me, I don't know how to hold him, how to make things easier for him. I'm lost and afraid. //
Haven't posted in a while haha *sobs* I miss this place.