I feel this everyday, for it is not new.
I feel it when I eat, and I feel it while I sleep.
I feel it in the mornings, and I feel it wide-awake in the middle of the night as if it is a monster lurking in my closet.
I have never been in control.
In fact I can’t keep falling out.
I feel normal, for this has become me.
I will forever be trapped, and out of control, but in the dawn I sit at my window as my cat jumps up onto my lap with her sweet purrs.
Her purrs fill my empty shell of a body, and for that I am full, and start to make my way onto the day.
And I’m not being fair, because I am trapped, and I am trapping others who meet me, and or choose to keep me in their lives, or stay in mine.
I ruin everything.
And this I tell them, “You’ll be trapped like me. I’ll ruin you completely.”
They never seem to listen and soon enough they are just like me.
Trapped and utterly out of control with their lives, and feelings.
Welcome.