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Dec 2018
it took me three months to accept the fact that you didn't like me anymore and four more months to accept the fact that you hadn't liked me to begin with. i stood there, foolishly thinking you would hold my hand and smile down at me like you used to.

2. anger
i was furious when i found out. i deleted all our pictures, my poems, your messages, our playlist. i deleted everything and i punched the wall and i cried.

3. bargaining
i asked you to be friends with benefits with me. if not emotionally intimate, at least i could be physically intimate. i begged god for you to be mine. i used all my 11:11 and eyelash wishes on you.

4. depression
i hysterically cried myself to sleep for months on end. it got so bad i had to go to the counselors and my parents got a dog and you got worried and everyone else was terrified i was going to **** myself over you.

5. acceptance
you now have a girlfriend. she's beautiful and radiant and everything i could never be and i.. blocked you. i accepted that you're a beautiful person but we could never be and we're unhealthy for each other. it took too long but i will not let my progress come undone.
disgusting. i hate myself for ever letting myself love this person. i wish he had never spoken to me that one night. cheers 2 one year of pain
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