My life has become a scene,
Where I am always one thought,
Away from crying.
The daily struggle to keep my thoughts
In a safe place while I'm around people.
To keep them locked in the safe zone.
The surface of my concious.
With every door that leads,
To the deeper parts locked.

Every day is a struggle stay safe.
To keep myself safe,
While I mix with the people around me.
Don't think, don't feel.
You can't feel in public,
Because the moment I let
My guard down and think,
No I'm okay.

A thought will trickle in.
First a slow trickle.
That makes my heart hurt.
But it turns into a flood.
Of memories of you.
A flood of grief and anger.
And I'm drowning in it.
And I'm crying and the people around me,
Have no idea what to do because..

To them it all happened out of no where.
There wasn't anything that happened.
Because no one else can see the trickle,
Then the flood of every moment.
That I'll never get back.
Every hope I had gone.
And the realization every time,
Thay you're gone.
And I'm here.
And the emptiness that happens,
When I realize that,
For the remainder of my life,
I'm going to miss you.

And right now that feels like forever.
And unfair that your gone.
And no one notices the trickle,
The grief, the anger,
And the devastating loss,
Of losing your best friend.

I kept your voicemail on my phone.
And then the flood.