Dec 2018
I wonder what it's like
To be normal
To walk down the street
And.not wonder if everyone
Is looking at you
To get up in the morning
And want to start your day
I wonder what it feels like
Not to wonder
If they're all talking about you
I wonder how it feels
To not feel
This crushing fear
That something
Is going to happen
And to not feel
That with every breath
You are going to suffocate
What would happen
If I were not afraid
Of every sentient thing
And to not hate
Every sun that rises
Because it means
I have to start again
I wonder what it's like
To live
Instead of continuing to die
Day after day
To be normal
To walk down the street
And.not wonder if everyone
Is looking at you
To get up in the morning
And want to start your day
I wonder what it feels like
Not to wonder
If they're all talking about you
I wonder how it feels
To not feel
This crushing fear
That something
Is going to happen
And to not feel
That with every breath
You are going to suffocate
What would happen
If I were not afraid
Of every sentient thing
And to not hate
Every sun that rises
Because it means
I have to start again
I wonder what it's like
To live
Instead of continuing to die
Day after day
Lately it feels like I am suffocating with every breath, and like every step that I take is leading somewhere I don't want to go. It's like a never-ending death and I fear everything, and I don't know how to stop. I fear people, but I fear being alone I fear publicity, but I fear being ignored. And what I fear most is this sense that everything is wrong. So wrong. And I can't...I can't fix it for the life of me. I feel like every part of me is exploding all at once and I just want to be with someone who makes me feel safe.
