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Dec 2018
You were born with a target on your back
Not solely because the melanin in your skin
Is a reflection of the sun rise

But the patriarchy made it unacceptable
For me to love you, anyway

Due to imposed inferiority

The inferiority of the Caucasian man
and pseudoscientific dispositions;

he saw the power of your birthright

Way Before your conception
and deemed you dangerous

A danger to society
A danger to yourself

A danger to your creator, which is me,

Because i was taught by my father’s actions that you would learn to how to hate black women

So i was made to believe that carrying you was an attempt at committing suicide

Finding out your gender

Was like puncturing my aorta

A self-inflicted wound

Because out here in this sphere of chaos,
there was a possibility that I could lose you

Lose you to the streets
Or , more scarily,
lose you to the barrel of a .45 being held by a Chad

Who would confuse your prepubescent body

with that of a man’s

while holding a water gun outside and mistaking your robust laughter for angry outbursts

But
I was mainly worried that I’d lose you to yourself

So Becoming shelter to black testosterone

Felt like suffocation

For my mind became a chamber of pessimism because those that carry the Y chromosome only dispensed

their love in me

Never for me , and always with a condition

That was until i heard your heart beat
And with each flutter and strengthening kick

I vowed to guard you with my life on

Lock

Your entrance into this world taught me it’s okay to be human
And Your tiny little hands, as they gently brush against my face,
remind me that it’s perfectly normal to resurrect my being every time

I succumb to the unrealistic expectations of mankind

I thank you, for introducing me to my destiny

I look into your eyes and I realize that
God must be a black woman

because who could ever create something so beautiful

And as a woman alone, a black woman alone
Raising up a black boy and molding
Him into greatness in such
bone chattering realities
Is terrifying

I promise,
Mommy’s got your back

And though your father has disappeared into the clouds

As the narrative of black men abandoning their offspring

Lingers into the density of the night behind him

Know that I will always be a present

Even if the world has already singled you out,

Betting its odds against you,

I guarantee I will be your highest bidder

There’s no need to be afraid

I don’t care if your power is viewed as a threat
And your anxiety will cause you to viciously watch

Your back as the days progress

Know that
You are bulletproof

For I created you with resilience

And i am your portal

Navigate through me
and I guarantee
you’ll find your refuge

Right back on pride rock where you belong

And I’ll be standing there
with open arms
Remember, i am your lion’s guard.
Janan
Written by
Janan  30/F/Philadelphia, PA
(30/F/Philadelphia, PA)   
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