january
110
I’m scared
To Relapse & Stay Stuck
To give up recover
I’m scared to
Look at you and walk away forever.
To just not care wether you believed I truly loved you.
I’m scared
For my love to be trapped
For all My strength to be gone
Lose it all ,

---

1218
I need something
Right now.
I don’t need anything
But I crave for a runaway
To run right tf now
I don’t need , I want
What I want are terrible things x
Fixtures to a faster end
I’m tired , I’m so so tired
This ****** life I cycle

-----

Untitled
I’m proud of you
For all you’ve reached & conquered
I’m so proud of you
For the person you’ve become
I remember the first time I seen your face so enlightened.
It was the day you Got your first job
Oh did you forget?
Who listened to your Pain
The days you’d come home angry
Feel so upset & self hate .
Believed you were worthless

---
march 2017

I’ve Relapsed Before.
These feelings are different though.
Been relapsing Frequently.
Not Once or Twice.
Full binge tweaking.

I don’t know anymore.
I’ve gone to far
Idk where I stand
I feel I’m going soon
Where to ?
My familiar home.

---
jun 23

Shut up
Yeah it don’t matter
To me like before.
Yes yes whatever you say ,
Of course because of me.
All my fault
I’m to blame
I’m to be hated .
Oh yeah darling I don’t care.
Uhuh sure believe I
never loved you.
Go on keep telling me how much more I prefer drugs .
Yup yup
What else?
Ohh more insults ok
Yeah continue on
Ok ok & ok.

---

it hurts
The pain is too much.
These drugs aren’t enough
To numb them completely.
It’s tough , I need something
Real Fuckinn rough
To relieve me
From my broken heart
..

I’ve fallen to my knees
When I cry
I look up at the sky
Begging god
To please Help me see
Clearity and the path
To the life I deserve.
One Filled with happiness
Laughter, Comfort , Love .
Dk idk

---

-
All I wanted was to be & feel
So loved By him.
Did everything i could ..
Forgave him many times for things I shouldn’t have but I gave him many chances because I couldn’t see my self ever hating him .
I love him so much despite everything.
My tears won’t stop Dropping .
I don’t think I’ll ever stop crying
This hurts so much
I’m truly broken
Idk how to explain how deep my pain currently is.


==

August

My journey To recovery,
Has been extremely devastating.
Ive been walking alone.
Doing this all on my own.
No one to grab
no one to hold.

The Clocks ticking
How much longer will i hold?
Looking around, im lonely.
Im Pushing forward
Solo
Its going to hit me soon
Turning my head to see the one w
I