Not only are we going to **** you
(Subsequently leaving your wife and children destitute)

and glue your head to the wall
(It's called taxidermy, alright? It's a profession. Professional.)

but we will also perch this Santa hat
On the smallest tines
Of your impressive
Set of antlers
(The kind any other buck would
bow and scrape
to behold).

Because it's that time of year again.

Here's wishing a very
Merry Christmas
To you, your wife, and children.