I melted among the palm trees
Spun my wheels among a holographic pastel sky
Drank my coffee in the morning
And thought about little and big lies.

I spent some time away
Back into my own corner, my own space
I know deep down in there
A love for me resides
But somewhere in returning to the skyscraper
Filled midwestern skyline
I feel tears well up inside
Any old little thing jars at my emotions
It's cold and I fear chipping away at the same old thing
I feel trapped and relive old emotions
Never enough sage to start over.

I asked you what I meant to you
As you got into your uber that night
You texted me while I was away
Admitting just for a moment
In that sarcastic way you do
That you miss me so what.

When I think of her or the pain you caused me
Though forgiveness has become our name
I feel a deep pain that still has not gone away
Kissed and held you into the night
And into the morning
Leaving you in my bed
With little to say back.

So I just ultimately say less back
I cry to myself afraid I'm going against my own nature
Wondering if its okay for me to do what I want
In your eyes
As this happiness you claim you feel for me
If its just so you can run free

I'm not sure
There is no real way to know
I miss how among the sunshine I didn't fear any of this
Or need your love or validation
But something about Chicago
Something about being here and residing in not knowing
In not being frequently communicated with--
I let it slip and slide off of me

Because only I can manage my right now
My present time
And my future.