I don't make New Year's resolutions
I make revolutions instead
The only way to keep from failing
Is to start the New Year dead

Losing weight, working out
I might even join a gym
But come December of the coming year
I still have not reached slim

I'll be nicer to my boss, and wife
I'll do more chores around the house
I always say this every year
But, I'm still reminded by my spouse

I'll save more money, start a fund
Take the family on a trip
But come July and August
I've let the travel savings slip

A New Year's resolution
Is a failure from the start
I have come to the conclusion
You've set the horse before the cart

By early spring you have none left
All your great ideas are broke
So, since I'm not succeeding
This year I'll start to smoke

You may ask me why I don't
Like to call them resolutions
It's because you make the same each year
And that's a revolution

One year, a circuit, twelve whole months
And you're back right where you started
You might set out to change your life
But in truth, you only farted

I don't make New Year's resolutions
I make revolutions instead
The only way to keep from failing
Is to start the New Year dead