my mother told me she'd never been hurt by a man as much as i had been hurt by you
never been treated as horrifically as you treated me
she asked me what that kind of pain felt like because she couldn't understand
and as she watched my own child break in front of her eyes
i replied "mum, it's the kind of pain that you only feel every so often, when all the air has been taken from your lungs and you feel as if nothing is real. and you feel as if you are a ghost among the living, barely existing. and the worst thing is, it always comes from the opposite direction that the winds are to blow, the storm comes from nowhere."
she asked me how i knew what this pain was to remind her how i got here, and i told her, i loved someone more than i had ever, and then one day, they decide to play their cards against your odds and the memories still haunt you at 3 am when you're alone and all you can think of is how they used to make you feel and you make up excuses to still be with them, in any way you can, until it physically makes you ill and you unconsciously start to **** yourself from the pain. and eventually, the feeling becomes so natural, that you forget what it's like to feel normal and you call the pain love and let it live on.