Sometimes I turn my phone off
Because I don't want to be near the waiting
I've found myself feeling tired
Hibernating away as the leaves begin to fall
Hoping that tomorrow
I'll have a bit more of a kick in my step.

You seem worn down and drained
Letting yourself have me on my bed
You kiss me hard and with such emotion
Like you've been waiting a long time
For those wannabe Barbie kisses.

I was once in love with the purity that I thought was here
Sometimes I'll look through the cracks
Feeling as though it's all been gone
There is a restless boyhood to you
But it felt so good to stand on the other side of the party
And catch your eye
In my white long wig
And holographic pants
You pulled down around my ankles.

We didn't even take all our clothes off
You speak to me as I gasp for air
Knowing me in a way now
That most do not.

I know we both felt it the moment we met
I remember the baseball cap I wore
How I sat across from you
I knew it the moment I first heard your name
And couldn't find a single picture of you
On the internet
Yet.

I don't think we will be together ultimately
But I value the time we have now
As you become more comfortable with
Kind pet names
I watch you pull away from my face caresses
Almost as if my love
You fear it could sting you
It's palpable and effervescent
I know you know how much fun I can be
Buying you any little thing
Taking care of you how I can
I want to be so successful so that I don't have to worry.

I said at the beginning to myself
That I'd never been with a cinematographer before
You make time for me
I make time for you
I seem to always be leaving.

You said
You don't want to foster jealousy
I wish there was a world within which
You would look at me
And decide it was just me you wanted

But you're too caught up in fearing
What you might miss out on
While all at once
Keeping me.