I've never felt this way before
I've felt depressed, alone, empty
I've wanted to end my life multiple times
And I've tried to as well
But today It's different
Right now, It's different
If in the past
I have tried knowing I wouldn't go through with it
Or I wouldn't succeed
Because I didn't actually want to die
But right now I know
That If I went downstairs
And took that knife
Or took those pills
Or that rope
I would go through with it
And I know that If I do that
I won't be alive tomorrow
And for the first time
I'm scared
I'm scared of myself
Because I want to do that
I really do
But I also don't because I want the chance to fall in love
I want to know
What love feels like
I want to know
What a proper hug feels like
I want to know
What It's like to live
Without being in constant fear of something
Of someone...
I want to feel something other than sadness
Or emptiness
Before I die
I want to know what being happy feels like
But I'm scared
I probably won't live to see tomorrow
Because right now
I want to die
And I know I will go through with it this time