In every sweaty faced, teary eyed, frizzy haired argument I found myself facing you in,
I never once failed to crumple to my core,
Like waves carrying immense riptides you dragged me in every room around the house by the hair, by the shirt, by the neck, by the wrist,
Like a ******* dog you had me,
wrapped around the leash closely bound by your fists,
And no matter how far I may stray from you,
How long gone I want to think the distant memory of you is
I can still feel you tugging on the chain never fully unlatched,
I listen to your voicemails, I decline your calls by hand,

You are the juggernaut of my fears,
the final boss I can not face
Every time you raise your voice I find myself as a little girl again,
those big dumb blue eyes that didn't ******* understand,
When I looked at you I hurt so deeply inside,
When I look at you I hurt so deeply inside
We both know I'm not busy
We both know I'm avoiding you
But when I listen to your voicemails alone in my room
I feel like that little girl again who wants just so desperately to believe you love me,
you loved me
That you're actually miss me
But I still feel the ghost pains from every smack, slam, and blow
so when I don't answer the phone understand, I'm fighting back everything in me to not answer and let you know,
I don't care if you have, will, or plan to change
The time I granted you to do so is
long gone,
I'm standing up for the me who had not yet learned to love her now callused shell