I am my own demise,
the ghosts that grip my past and the fears that shape my future,
I am the vacuum seal I put on my own mouth to keep these catastrophically painful things I am feeling inside,
I am everything I seem to feel and everything I never wanted to be,
but that’s just when I get stuck in my own head,
I know I am more but am I really more if my own head is all I seem To be,
it’s hard not to feel the negativity when it has been the only thing I’ve had through it all,
and in a way my own self hate is more comforting than excepting the flaws I must change,
and understanding I am not who I feel I am, some nights much similar to this one,
not even writing can help the cinder blocks piled in my guts,
but I suppose the time it took to write this was better spent than shoveling coal into my mouth and burning up my Insides,
sometimes we must smolder