When I was young I wanted nothing more than a titanium jaw.

I'd read that a titanium jaw cost just a few grand and was all above board.

But this need for a titanium jaw was simply machismo, bravado and little else more.

Plus, I'd no longer be seen as a bore! Girls would surely be impressed by my titanium jaw.

And if someone's hand were to break upon my titanium jaw, it would surely be self-defence in the eyes of the law.

I never did get my titanium jaw...never likely to either now that I'm forty-four.