I wrote it on my wrists one year and then again in the powder of pain pills.
and once more inside bottles of dark whiskey that made me forget.
Since then I have not been close to a knife without it feeling too heavy.
Since then I have not been able to stomach medicine.
Since then the alcohol doesn’t go down the same. Just makes my eyes ache and my chest feel heavy the intoxication isn’t fun anymore. just a warm nostalgia of why I started it in the first place
Even upon running away I am reminded of it. Even upon coping I am reminded of it.
In the steady up and down of my breathing- I hear yours in my ear.
In the weight of cloth upon my skin I feel them there.
So what am I to do? When you still ruin me from the inside.
What am I to do? When my own father is invalidating at every corner.
What am I to ******* do When his Facebook comments are thrown into my face as he uses the word “molestation” as an insult as something I should be ashamed of as something that doesn’t happen but only to deface men.
What am I do to do? When around every corner I am reminded of what they’ve done to me?