Yeah, I have thoughts.
Thoughts of people I have known.
I always go to far.
Push myself.
Farther under the bar.
It doesn't help.
That these fantasies are not good.
And would never be real.
It's not even something.
To I really appeal.
Other people have this problem.
And I would sob for them.
If I could cry more normally.
I knew about this stuff.
Ever since I was four.
I mean really.
It's pretty hard not to know.
Of things like a ***.
And so.
It may continue to go.
Even though...
I could try to stop.
I could stop.
I could let it drop.
Just ignore any feeling of that...sense.
And be as sturdy as some of a cop.
I will.
And you cannot judge that I used to.
Or do.
Because even though it's more private.
You probably do it too.