It happened one snowy Christmas eve
The snow was too heavy for flight
So Santa and those eight tiny reindeer
Were stranded with me for the night

After hot chocolate we all went to sleep
With them on my living room floor
The reindeer kept tossing and turning
And all Santa could do was snore

Well, I woke up in the middle of the night
And those reindeer were all in my bed
Comet and Cupid were holding me tight
And Prancer was kissing my head

Then in a flash the room went dark
And in the corner, a tiny elf appears
Believe it or not on top of his head
He had one of my wife's brassieres

I got out of bed to find old Santa
I was hoping he might have an answer
I found him soaking in my garden tub
Where he was taking a bath with Dancer

So I hurried back to the bedroom
But my wife was no where in sight
I found her in the kitchen playing spin the bottle
And that elf said she's mine for the night

Well that did it, I finally lost my temper
I started screaming for them to get out
Santa says, "We can't leave, my clothes aren't dry"
And that's when I started to shout

He pointed to my fireplace mantle
And my stockings were no longer there
For hanging on the nail, still dripping wet
Was Santa's long john underwear

I ran to the bedroom for my rifle
But when I returned they were already gone
My house was a wreck and that elf stole my wife
So I burned Santa's ****** 'til dawn