whenever i am at my happiest
i can't help but feel
an impending doom weighing down my whole being
it starts as an uneasy feeling
and panic and anxiety starts to consume me
it lasts for weeks
and to no avail
it never goes away
the only thing that has ever seemed
to bring me comfort
is the self-destruction that spirals
into my pain killer addiction
pills are the only thing to bring me out of this rut
that i always seem to be stuck in
week after week
month after month
year after year
i am so tired
i am so high
i am so done
it'll never go away, i've accepted that
the only way to make it better forever
is maybe the end of myself