Memories are what keep you alive in my eyes
The ones I have are not so great
That didn’t matter because you always made me the best breakfast!
When I was on the swings ive never flown so high
When we were on the field, I’ve never ran so fast
When we where on the lake, I’ve never swam so long, or dived so deep.
But long where the waits at the fary, when you would never show up.
The tears never fall so hard
Long where the the times I waited for the phone calls that never came,
When they did, where only to be slurred, and the value poisoned by selfish need
I used to care, fight for you to be here
It never seemed to matter
The poker was worth more than me
The alcohol was more interesting
The women more fulfilling
So you wrote me off with money
Sent me away always with the parting phrase
“I love you, don’t forget that “
Then the absence of you was more than the time we spent together
Everyone around didn’t see
Me dragging your drunk *** in bed
Getting food, cause beer was the only thing in there
Time and time again I would fall for the same lines, the guilt of not seeing you.
Whose fault whos that?
You tell me “I love you”
And daddy I love you too but I don’t think you know the meaning of the word.
Love is waiting 5 hours on the promise of food
Love is waiting 4 am to for you to come home from the bar
Love is cleaning the house and doing your laundry to see if you’d notice me
Love is waiting for you to finish your poker game before speaking.
But it’s also not having to wait on anybody.
Love is having conversations at dinner and not sitting silently
But I’m sorry daddy I can’t wait for you anymore
For while I’m waiting my heart is breaking.
Always promising everything will be different the next time I came.
Lake front house, boats, trips on the lake
But the reality is I get an old smokey teddy near your ex gave back
It’s not the the things that make me love you daddy,
It’s just you
But that’s one thing I can never have
Your demons are big
And so are mine, but you would never know cause you’ve never tired.
Everything you do is to clear the guilt, but never really making the effort.
Now my eyes are burning, my soul hollow
And I’m sorry that I just can’t wait for you to be at, my graduation, to protect me from my crazy mother, or save me from my abusive step father.
I can’t wait for you to avenge my heart break.
So I’ve learnt to do that for myself
When I was little, I thought if I waited maybe you would show up
That girl didn’t know any better
And I want you to know I will always love you
Even though you don’t know how to love back
But I can’t wait anymore
I’m stronger than that
I’m strong enough to live without your heart break
I’m not angry
I wish you could understand
I wish I could make you care
Goodbye daddy
Thank you for teaching me love will never really be there
Goodbye daddy
Don’t say I never tired
Goodbye daddy
I mean it this time.