I've been here before
This weird mentality in between okay and not
It's a seesaw I sit on with myself
balancing the bar with equal weight and no sudden movements
And it's always a test to see how long I can hold it this time
A week?
A month?
A day?
I try to beat my record everytime
Positive that my balance must be getting better after all this time
positive that muscle memory should kick in at some point and take over
It never does
I hope it gets easy soon.
I don't like when it tips
when it tilts one way,
it always tilts back the other with much greater force
But I'm balancing now
I'm balanced for now