I wrote and hit send
Moments after expression
Filled my metaphorical tub.

I'm missing events, a chance to dress up
But I take care of my body, my soul.

I wanted to ****** the red glasses on her face off
I stand in holographics and faux leather
Each time he would pass on through.

We toasted shot glasses of whiskey
I put a sticker that said "Fragile"
To my chest
And reached out to him today
Because I couldn't stand
The feeling of boiling pain
And hatred.

I said no more torture, we've both suffered enough
I looked up and saw you looking
I met your eyes
But only for a moment
Before the rest of the world interrupted us.

Your look said hello
It said it's been so long
Today it felt violent, troubling
Full of desire
Confusion
And a tinge of shame.

TVs paying pink and purple swirls
At least I'm not spending money
Or making my body ache.

I miss having someone by my side
The feeling of someone so there
It comes and goes
The need and wanting.

I know what it will take
And a quiet exhaustion fills me up
So I take steps back
And rest.

It is the beginning of September
I balance and lean from side to side
Full of justice
And a secret need of feeling self important
Because what else do I have right now?
I think to myself.

Tuesday night, we say
I thought and plotted
All around, in, and outside of it
I worry about all of the steps
All of the hurdles my legs
Would fly right over.

Gratitude
At the end of it all
The gratitude can always stand
And remind us of humility
And a centered
Self assurance
No man or piece of art
Paycheck
Or compliment
Could give us.