I shut people out almost like it's a living

Like I'm getting paid to do it
Even though that's the farthest thing from the truth
It's simply more complex than that

When I see friends out and about
enjoying each other's company
I start to feel this ache in my chest
Not a physical ache but an emotional one
Almost like a longing to have what they have
But how can I miss something that I never had in the first place

Sure people get to know me
introductions and everything else related to friendship
but it seems that every single time
I'm left in the dust
abandoned or replaced
it happens like clockwork

You might argue you have a lot of friends
what about them
I acknowledge the fact that I have friends and I treasure them
don't get me wrong I do
But in the same token, it gets old
being replaced