i have watched myself get fat
over a broken heart
my daughter told me it was okay
round is a shape
my squishy made me the best cuddler ever

i have watched myself grow lean
over a broken heart
all excess shaved away
i can fit into a pair of jeans
and still turn heads
just enough left in all the right places

i wear a ring on my wedding finger
not as a promise to another but myself
it was given to me by my sister
simple silver with one word on it
“believe”
i’m not sure that i do anymore

i have hidden a word inside that band of silver
“believe” may be our family word
it isn’t mine anymore
hidden behind a word balanced on hope
is my chosen word
balanced on reality

i am a secret walking out in plain sight
the word “forged” now balances out
that ring of silver
i am too old to believe in fairy tales anymore
i have taken all that makes them “believe”
turned it into black metal in my bones

i am becoming something they don’t want to see
smelted iron burns fire in my eyes
i vibrate at a frequency that they can’t recognize
i have been chiseled down to only what is essential
excess has no place in my life
it has become me separate from them

i am not polished or neat anymore
fire scale has reworked muscle into iron
layers of oxides left after the burning
i can see the reshaping of my skeleton
ashes covering hard angles and planes
this is my drawing down

i am proud of my hardness
i run my hands over new territory
familiar landmarks made fresh under sooty skin
nobody recognizes my rebirth by fire
i don’t need them to see me in my new skin
but that doesn’t stop me from wishing that they would