A jacket of prisms
The way the light hit you
I have so many photos to delete now.

I stood up against the wall
My hair blonde and green
I reread all the messages
Trying to better understand
I considered raising my white flag
And didn't.

For once
It is me that is in control
It is me that gets to go
It is me that calls the shots.

Quiet in the house
In the house covered in boxes
I pull out my camera
Knowing I can't possibly capture it all
I thought and hoped
I was special.

I drive around in my car
The car we plan to sell
Clearing my head
Leaving my phone at home
Needing and wanting solace
And deeply unattached
For a moment in time.

Needing much sleep
Time away
For green leaves to lift me up
The last time I was here
Nothing between us existed yet
Do you remember
When we woke up the next day
And you said that you felt so content?

It's not just about you
A flurry of shadows of the past
Come echoing in
Like skeletons waiting to pounce
I relive that trip to disneyland at least once a week
I think of the way you used to talk to me
And how many times

I have settled
And settled
And settled again.

So maybe, really,
The problem is me.

The problem is that I get bored, I get lonely
And I settle
And settle again.

I don't want to write anymore sad poems.
I don't want to spend anymore time
Being sad over a boy
Who didn't know
It was me he wanted
Until I was gone.