I don’t know any more I just don’t.
I sit in silence when I pray so is it praying..?
I look up with disgust like I know this is not what u wanted from me and even my best behavior is as a ***** cloth.

My misdeeds oh my grief everything I can’t hold physically weighs me down from my helplessness I keep doing...there not a pretty sight to see but like the mirror after a hot bath it seems as I open the door and remeber there’s another room the cold A/C comes and let’s me see the mess I made and the reflection is the same but I know where I’ve been. I hang my head , raise my hands and ask for forgiveness if you’re  real and you love how they say you do I need it abba and the strength to get threw this. Amen